I want to preface this post by saying that I have been through shit in my life. Divorce, abuse, familial estrangement, mental illness, job loss, health issues, etc. I could go on but I’ll just leave that there. I have never asked for help or cried out to friends and family about my situation. There have been rough financial times in my past when my children were small. I have always found ways to make it through by cutting back expenses, or by making difficult choices such as going back to work when my children were small. Our home was never large and sometimes we shared a car. Many cold mornings I bundled my son, put him in his car seat and drove my ex husband to work. I made the heart wrenching decision to work when my kids were small so that we could afford the bare necessities and some extras for them, such as rec sports, music lessons, and even private school when we had to. It’s what grown ups do. Put on our big girl or big boy pants and make hard decisions that aren’t necessarily our first choice.
My own parents got married young and had two children 16 months apart. From what I’ve been told, we lived in a shack while my father finished his degree and my mother took care of us. After that, we moved out of state (from all family) for my father’s job. Our childhood home was small and my parents rented it until they could afford something else. (still not a mansion) I don’t ever remember my parents burdening us with the struggles they had to endure. Life was simpler then, I suppose.
I had to use WIC. I’ve used food stamps and food banks in my adult life. I have worked when I could barely get out of bed due to the worst depression anyone could have had. I was pregnant at the time, by the way. I have had an abortion when my ex and I found out I was pregnant before we were ready for a child.
I was in a shitty marriage with two children, but I never once ran back to my parents like a child.
When you are an adult, you don’t make bad financial decisions over and over again and then expect your parents and friends to bail you out. I have a friend who has done this and I am finding it very hard to respect her. I feel that an adult friendship requires some level of respect and I don’t respect her anymore. I even called her therapist’s office to pay for her therapy sessions a few months ago. Then, bam, a month later she is posting on Facebook how sad and depressed she is because her parents aren’t alive anymore to bail her out financially or emotionally. Sooner or later, you must grow up.She can’t even bring herself to help out with the selling of her parents’ house. I guess her brother and sister will have to take on that burden. I won’t be friends with people who are so foolish and immature. I just can’t do it.